The New (Winter) Semester

(Although, can we really call it winter? I'm not complaining too much because I haven't felt like I was going to freeze to death walking to campus, but at the same time I feel badly for the farmers because of the lack of snow/cold....)


This semester has started off rough. I originally signed up for 15 credits, which was completely manageable this year because two of my classes are gen-eds. I was willing to take 16, which meant adding one ensemble, but I wasn't sure what my trumpet professor was thinking. I finally went in on the first day of the semester and asked to talk to him for a few minutes. He welcomed me into his office and we sat down and chatted. I expressed my concern that I hadn't played in a while, and he said there was room in the ensembles if I wanted to play. I also said that if I chose to work on lessons, I wanted to possibly work on orchestral excerpts. In response to that, he suggested that he felt I didn't trust him as an instructor. To be honest, I sort of don't... After all, he was the one who suggested things like getting tons of trumpets and equipment now even if it means going into debt-- to me, who is blessedly NOT in debt with school payments, that is not a wise decision.


Anyways, I went back the next day to play for him. I told him that I didn't want to take lessons, I had decided not to. When I finished the audition he said, "I think I'm going to put you in Symphony Orchestra." I was pretty excited! I never thought I was going to be in that again! Yay!


"I'm also going to put you in Chamber Brass." What? Um... but... ok...


"And I'm going to insist that you do lessons so that we can work on your orchestral sound." Orchestral sound? I've played in a symphony orchestra for four semesters. I think I'm starting to get that you don't play Beethoven the same way you play Mahler...


In ten minutes I went from 15 manageable credits, to 16 manageable credits, to 17 ok credits, to 18 I'm-going-to-die credits. Symphony Orchestra=great. Chamber Brass=all right. Lessons=No go. He requires 6 hours of practice a week for non-major lessons.


I'm going to tell you right now that after going to class back-to-back from 7:45 to 4:30 or 5:30 on Monday and Wednesday means those days are not an option for practice. I don't care if he accuses me of not being dedicated. I'm not. That's why I'm not a performance major.


It sort of feels like he's trying to push against the LDS cultural norm, trying to keep me from resigning myself to "just being a wife and a mother." I respect that. But I feel like I know what's best for me, not him. And I know I'm not the only woman in the studio who is experiencing the same pressure.


So I've decided to confront him, and politely decline taking lessons. I don't even care if I lose the $200 they've already charged me out of my account. I was supposed to go talk to him at my first lesson last Thursday, but he's been sick and hasn't shown up since last Wednesday. I honestly just can't do lessons if it means dedicating another six hours of my week, and it seems like every time I go into his office, whether it's for a lesson or to talk, there's tension and sort of this neutral tolerance in the air... I can't deal with that for a semester.


So the apprehension of speaking to him about it is driving me insane. I've been trying to incorporate the Lord and the spirit into this, trying to think about it in a rational mind and not go all crazy upset. I've shed too many tears of frustration and upset-ness to just let this go... I'm hoping that both of us can deal with the impending conversation fairly and with open minds and hearts, and that if nothing else, we at least leave not hating each other, even if we can't make each other understand our side or point of view.


And I'm hoping that I don't back out at the last second, or get trampled by his reasoning. I need to have a life... I can't have another semester like last fall. I need to stand up for myself... I need to do what's best for me (for once in my life). Wish me luck...