Not an Organist

You might remember this post where I played the organ in devotional for the first time, right? And that went really well, right? Well, I knew that after that performance I would probably get asked to play devo for the rest of the time I was here, once a semester. Sure enough, (sooner than I thought,) I was asked to play. The hymns weren't too difficult, but I didn't know any of them at all and I had just one week to prepare them.

Oh boy.

I paced myself, didn't overplay them, didn't let myself get frustrated, but when I played them for my organ teacher last Friday, they were horrible. We both panicked. I didn't know what to do. I knew I could play these hymns, but I kept messing up left and right (and foot). We agreed that the weekend should be enough time to tidy up the hymns.

Come masterclass on Monday, I played for the other organists and... it didn't go so well. I was embarrassed, but I was trying so hard to play them as well as I knew I could. They weren't perfect, sure, but I kept messing up passages that I knew I could play. It became a consistency issue- I knew I could play the hymns but I couldn't play it well even twice in a row, and each hymn has 3-4 verses. (And the one, "I Believe in Christ", was the same three lines repeated twice for one verse!) The organ teacher still seemed optimistic, and asked me to review them and try to pick up the speed a little before devo on Tuesday.

So on Tuesday I go to the building that devo is in, and meet both teachers so that I can review the hymns one last time before I debuted them. They weren't any better. It was still frustrating and upsetting, but strangely by this point I was calm. After I played them the organ teacher came over to me, and I knew that what I had been able to prepare wasn't enough.

I looked right at him and said, "If you want someone else to play today I'm not offended. I completely understand." He nodded, and said, "I think if you had another week then they would be great. But... we only have an hour..."

So my organ teacher had to play the hymns, and I only did prelude and postlude. I felt so horrible because she had to play impromptu and it's all my fault... but I feel like I did my best...

So, these things happen. I know I'm not the greatest organist to ever walk the earth- I'm nowhere close to that! But I felt like I was being honest with myself, and that is what is important to me. I did what I could, and just wasn't at the skill level required for the situation. Husband Man told me later that he was proud of me because I didn't insist on playing them even when I knew I couldn't.

It was a good learning experience, however, as I did pick up a few practice techniques that can help me in the future. The organ instructor told me that I would probably be asked later in the semester, when I would have more time to prepare, but honestly I feel kind of crappy about playing the hymns. I'm focusing on my other pieces for my lesson right now, and maybe I'll try the hymns again after Memorial Day weekend.

[Sorry about the depressing post! Would knowing about impending posts make things better? Of course it would! I have a really funny story about me playing organ at last semester's convocation that involves me literally choking over the organ. Also, this weekend is Memorial Day weekend, AND my birthday! And Husband Man says he has lots of things planned, since my family was going to come and then couldn't because of work and my cousin's graduation.

That's not enough to counter my depressing post? Here, have a picture of a kitty.

This is a good interpretation of Husband Man after school is over for the day and I make him wait while I make him dinner.]